This morning I didn't think she would be able to walk out of the room, even with my help. Last night I had to carry her down the stairs on my back and I was not looking forward to the pain it would cause her to help her out of bed this morning. With pure grit she had me pull her onto weak, wobbly legs then leaned into me and had me help her to her recliner. The only recliner out of hundreds she sat in that felt remotely comfortable. The recliner I decided to buy for her shortly after her terminal cancer diagnosis. The recliner where she held Becca and James so many times.
Becca in a milk 'comma'
Becca and James in Karen's lap after 3 days in the hospital (Feb 2015)
It is amazing how many memories can be tied to something so simple. There are times when I hope won't be able to look at that chair without thinking of Karen and the love she has for James and Rebecca; of the time we shared, the memories we made, and everything she did for me!
An hour or two ago I just sat and held her hand for a while. I squeezed her hand three times and got a little twitch in return. There were many times when we would hold hands in church or somewhere else where we couldn't or didn't want to say 'I love you' aloud to on another. We found a way around that. One of us would squeeze the other's had three times for 'I love you' to which the response was two squeezes for 'ditto' with the response to that being a single squeeze for 'good'.
Some of you may remember the game 'murder in the dark' where everyone would hold hands in a circle and a 'killer' would be randomly chosen. If your hand was squeezed once you were dead, otherwise you would squeeze the person on your other hand one less than you had been squeezed. Why do I explain this? Sometimes if we were in a movie theater and one of us was feeling goofy we would do the 'I love you game' and change it at the end to 'murder in the dark'. When one of us got the single squeeze we would slump in our seats making the other person giggle, laugh, or even snort. This usually happened at some climatic or touching moment when laughter was not appropriate. The number of looks we got I can't even count.
I will have to write down all of the inside jokes we have at some point. There are just too many for one night but writing this one has been a sort of panacea for the last few days so thank you for reading the ramblings of a grieving husband.
Braden
Still have you in our prayers. Wish there was something that could be said or done. You both are a miracle to each other and your children.
ReplyDeleteStill have you in our prayers. Wish there was something that could be said or done. You both are a miracle to each other and your children.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing the ramblings of a grieving husband. Your words are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteA Memory I have about that chair. One day I was there helping Karen in the kitchen. James got a bunch of graham crackers and proceeded to eat and then smash a whole package all over the chair. I know they was flour in those crackers, and was concerned about getting it cleaned before Karen sat back down in the chair. Karen was so calm and collected and just got out the vacuum and hooked up the wand for me to clean it up. She told me at that time, it was her favorite chair to hold and snuggle her kids.
ReplyDeleteL Bunting