Exactly six years ago today I was able to see Karen celebrate her first Mothers Day as a mother. It was a great experience and while I can't remember much of anything that happened that day I remember the joy she and I felt. I also remember that joy came after more than a decade of Mothers Days before where she wondered if she would ever be a mother.
Today also marks the 4th Mothers Day since she passed which means my kids have known more of their lives without their mother than with her. It's a little sobering to think about it in those terms. One day they will be able to see their mother again, one day I will be able to see them give her the hugs I know they want to give her now, one day I will be able to hear their shouts of joy.
So today I will make sure to read them their bedtime stories (one each), read scriptures with them, have personal and family prayers with them, tuck them in, and sing them a song if they want. It will be the normal routine, the only routine they remember, the one without their mom. And while she may be there in spirit my heart breaks every time I hear them say, "I miss my mommy!"
As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, it can be hard finding the desire to live let alone get out of bed! For over 3 years I have made sure to get out of bed each morning, maybe not always early and bright eyed, but each time my foot hits the carpet next to my bed it's a victory!
In that time I have learned to do more than simply exist, I have learned to push myself physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially. In those 3 years I have grown in each of those areas and am a bit surprised at all of the changes; piano, road biking (after a partial knee replacement), counseling (as a patient), dancing, dating (off and on), party host, and most of all dad (with a little mom in there too). I wonder if Karen's passing was a gift of sorts, a gift of realizing the stagnated potential for growth and self improvement that is within each of us.
Nap time on a Sunday afternoon.
He told me later he didn't fall asleep! :D
With these kids I'm trying, though I don't always succeed, to live life to the fullest knowing I will have good times and bad; more happiness and more sorrow; more memories with my children, friends, and family. And perhaps in all of that living I will even get to have the joy of witnessing someone else become mother to these wonderful little children! Someone that will embrace the challenge of raising 2 of someone else's children with a slightly crazy, sometimes too serious, and definitely imperfect guy.
Happy Mothers Day!!!
Braden
