It's Time!

It's been a long time since my last post, as usual.  In that time the kids have grown a lot and we have had some fun.  James is now in first grade and Becca is going to kindergarten.  It has been an interesting transition to have both kids in school at the same time.

There have been several things lately that have seemed surreal to me.  The top of that list would be the passing of Karen's and mine's 18th wedding anniversary on August 9th.  It was the fourth anniversary to pass without her.  It is strange to think it's been that long, it feels like such a short time ago yet it seems like another lifetime.  Time and its passing can be strange sometimes.

There was a family reunion the first of July where the kids were able to have fun with cousins and get out on the water.  James loves to ride in the boat but he also loves to play with his cousins on the beach.  Watching him decide which to do can be a fun experience.

Kiddos riding in the boat!

I trained for and completed a bike relay race called Saints to Sinners at the end of July.  It's over 500 miles and goes from Salt Lake to Las Vegas.  My portion was 'only' about 100 miles.  If you have ever heard of a Ragnar this is a bike version of it.  I learned a lot about myself and how much my body can take.  The short version is that I am not pushing my body even close to its limits.  Our bodies are amazing gifts capable of so much when we treat them right; healing, growing stronger, overcoming illness, and so much more.

Me finishing the bike portion of a triathlon relay (CVSS this was some of my training).

One friend swam while another did the running.

The end of the bike relay!

There was an excellent singles conference in Ogden that I was able to attend.  It felt great to hear such good speakers and presenters as well as being around so many people in similar situations.  My eyes have been opened in the last few years to the life experiences of a lot of different people.

Halloween was...interesting.  James changed his mind about what he wanted to dress up as about 5 times.  I was on my way out the door one night dressed as Gru from Despicable Me and asked the kids if they wanted to be my minions?  They got very excited about the idea.  It was a little late to find costumes but with a lot of luck, a little ingenuity, a few Google searches, and some help from a grandma we were able to put it all together.  That's life though.  Sometimes we end up throwing things together at the last minute.

Our themed costumes.

In other preparation for Halloween we carved pumpkins.  And by 'we' I mean I carved the pumpkins, all three of them.  This is the first time the kids have had carved pumpkins and it lead to James wanting to dress up as a jack-o-lantern for Halloween - for about a week.  There are more and more firsts for the kids as they get older, and more firsts for me.  Between James and Becca the Tooth Fairy is being kept busy.  Becca has lost four (two were knocked out last year) with three more loose while James is up to six lost teeth including his two front teeth.  He will be able to sing the Christmas song, 'All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth' with feeling this year.

Pumpkins carved and the top is coming off!

The 'Pumpkin Toss' just before Halloween.

A couple of the pumpkins are stuffed with candy for the kids!

During the month of October I took a break from Facebook.  There were a number of events that lead up to the break.  Family, work, and personal stresses were taking a toll on me and my well being, specifically the spiritual, emotional, and mental aspects.  Add into the mix being a single parent and something had to give.  I also felt like I needed to take the advice of the prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, to take a break from social media, to do a social media fast.  The results were more time for the things that mattered and more restful sleep at night!

Sidewalk chalk is cheap entertainment!

For the last several months I have felt changes are coming my way though what those changes are I don't know for sure.  There is a feeling of something and hints of what it could or might be but nothing specific or concrete like a flashing neon sign.  I had a friend tell me it's not what I think and that what I hope for is years off.  That didn't go over well with me.  I responded with fear and anger, damaging a friendship that has been a source of help and comfort over the last few years.

When Karen was first diagnosed each day during rounding one of her doctors would tell her she was going to die and to get her affairs in order.  Seeing the hope she worked so hard to build each day sucked out of her because a doctor thought she needed a wake-up call was horrible and heart wrenching.  It in turn drained hope from me that took weeks to nurture and rebuild.  I know the doctor was trying to do what they thought best but I recognize they weren't taking everything into account.  We are all human and make mistakes.

What I'm getting at is the comment from my friend was a giant grief trigger for me.  Intellectually I knew they were trying to give me the benefit of their experience yet emotionally I was hurt and flashing back to seeing the hope being leeched out of Karen as well as feeling the hope being siphoned out of my own life.

To whoever reads this, please remember that without hope life becomes drudgery so treat the people around you with love and consideration by nurturing their hopes.  I wish I had taken that advice when my friend made the comment.  If I had maybe I would not have hurt them in turn.

Right now I'm trying to take life as it comes, one day at a time and working towards the personal and family goals I have set.  Remembering Karen's mantra "I am going to beat this. I have plans for tomorrow!" and continuing to remind myself that "Tomorrow is today!"  It's time to make a change.  It's time to stand up.  It's time to be what I want to be.  It's time to act.  It's time to own today.  It's time!


Braden

P.S. Here are some links to previous blog posts with similar themes as the end of this post.  Now to remember and keep building!
http://ihaveplansfortomorrow.blogspot.com/2017/07/halfway-through-summer.html

http://ihaveplansfortomorrow.blogspot.com/2017/11/hope-and-purpose.html