A few things with regards to relationships and dating have been on my mind lately. At the moment that area of my life is pretty much non-existent. Due to work, taking care of kids (and myself), and a fairly demanding church calling the amount of time I have to devote to a social life is also pretty much non-existent. And do you know what? For now, that's okay. Life ebbs and flows and in a while things will change so there will be time for more socializing and I am open to that when it happens.
Some of my family and friends have heard about my dating experiences over the last few years. I think it might be helpful to share with others a little about those. I have been out on dates with a wide variety of women; younger than me, older than me, never married, divorced, widowed, without kids, with lots of kids, with one child, with step kids, with kids who have passed away, with teenagers, with married kids, with grandkids, with toddlers or elementary school kids, women with advanced degrees, women with a high school diploma, outdoorsy, in-doorsy, high maintenance, low maintenance, active in the gospel, less active in the gospel, long distance, not so long distance, extroverted, introverted, 'ambiverted' (if there is such a word), and many other attributes or titles you might be able to think up.
There have been a variety reasons why things didn't work out; things feeling off, being incompatible, being told I was too distant, too clingy, too talkative, not talkative enough, they didn't want to start over with raising kids (aka my kids were too young or they felt my kids would be too much work without having met them), they didn't want to be a 'second' wife or compete with my late wife, fear I would go back to old ways or patterns, or something not feeling right to them. Most of the time I don't know the reason and while that can be frustrating it's okay. It's a part of life though being 'ghosted' isn't fun so I do my best to communicate how I'm feeling or not feeling and the direction I'm going.
A thought that has come up is that it's probably a good thing none of those relationships worked out long term. I have learned a lot over the last 6 years and have stayed friends with many of the women I have been out with. I definitely feel much more empathy and compassion for those in the singles world, no matter how they 'ended up' there, or here rather. There is much to look up to about those who choose to put themselves out there after a failed marriage or death of a spouse. There is also much to admire about those who have been single their entire adult life and still continue to hope and hold onto faith that things will work out.
At any age dating is difficult though I think the older I get the more aware I am of people and what could go wrong. All too often I find myself focusing on what could go wrong instead of what could go right. If I'm looking for red flags I will find them, LOTS of them. If I'm looking for green flags I'll find those too. Life is built out of what I put into it and what I allow God to put into it, not what I take out of it or get out of it.
The last several months of my 'dating sabbatical' have been an opportunity to take a step back from things. Perhaps a better way to look at it is to take a step towards my kids and the life I have now with them. It's a great life with piano practice and lessons, movie nights, tickle fights, scriptures, bike rides, trips to visit family, hikes, road trips, lego building sessions, church, amusement parks, swimming, vacations, skiing, and many other things.
In all of that my kids still pray for a new mommy almost daily, sometimes even multiple times in a day. For a while it hurt to hear those prayers but the last while it's been a comfort to hear the words, "and please bless for a new mommy for us and a companion for dada."
The best things in life are worth waiting for and I think when the time is right things will line up and simply happen with the right person and for the right reasons. You see, I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, one who believes in a loving Heavenly Father, one who believes I will live the majority of my life with a wonderful woman, one who believes my children's prayers will be answered. I choose to believe in not just good things to come, but the better things and even the best things.
I firmly believe that the best things are yet to come for me and my kids. So often I have seen things work out when it seemed like they wouldn't. Miracles are like that and maybe my miracle is around the corner or perhaps me and my kids are someone else's miracle. Or maybe the best way to think of it is that we are all miracles for each other.
Braden
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