Waiting for...

Summer is upon us and it's been a fun and busy one so far.  Kids want more trips, more family time, and more fun!  So far we have been to Lagoon a couple of times, traveled to visit cousins, started swimming lessons, had a family reunion, and have had fun with friends and family.  Plans are in the works for piano lessons, more swimming lessons, a Bear Lake trip or two, possibly another Lagoon trip, and who knows what else.

Found this on the back of headstone on Memorial Day.  They must have been a fan!

Just showing off our bellies :)

For some reason they like climbing on top of the car...

At the aquarium for the first time.

Bite sized Becca!

James being cool for the camera.

At James's baptism.

Cousins in age order - 11, 9, 8, 7, 6, 2

Let's work together...

A quick trip to Aggie Ice Cream!

Men in black COVID edition.

On the way to church this Spring.

Memorial Day at my grandmother's grave.

First time on the roller coaster at Lagoon!

After Rattlesnake Rapids at Lagoon for the first time.  It may take a while for them to go again...

Daddy was one and done on this ride but kids love it.

A lift anyone?

Anything James can do Becca can do too.

Picking peas in the morning.

James was eating most of what he picked by the time he was done.

Peacock on the second Lagoon trip.

So happy to see the car!

Cousins at a 4th of July parade.

Creeping closer to the candy!

A snow-cone to cool off after the parade.

James all ready for a nap!

German pancakes with cousins!

Exhausted after a weekend with cousins.

Even Becca needed some sleep!

Waterslide at the family reunion.

Inside at the family reunion.

A trip to Bear Lake for some fun!

Fun kiddos!

A third Lagoon trip with cousins!

A wood puzzle...that took a lot of time!

Helping grandpa with a sprinkler problem.

Plans for me include preparing for a road bike relay ride this fall and enjoying more time with my kids.  I'm also looking forward to getting out more with friends and enjoying their company.  Life can take some interesting and unexpected turns though.

A while back as I was putting the kids to bed and had what you might call a perfect moment, a feeling a pure joy.  Along with it came the realization that I have a really good life with my kids and things could continue on with the three of us on our own and that would be just fine.  Following that thought came a feeling of sadness and wrongness, as if God was letting me know that's not the way things are supposed to be, that there is more in store and other arrangements for me and my kids.  Up until the last two years there was often a longing in my heart for companionship.  Over the last two years it has become less intense to the point that I put far less effort, energy, and thought into dating.  Because of that it was a surprise when the feeling of wrongness and the sense that Heavenly Father wants more than this for me and my kids moved me to tears.

I have tried to show my kids that sometimes people get sad or cry and it's okay to feel and allow those emotions to be expressed appropriately.  Noticing the tears my daughter asked if I was sad and why.  I responded with a very brief explanation of being sad or lonely and my son said, "He missed mommy."  There was an element of missing Karen but most of it was brought on by that sense of wrongness following my thought.  Seeing my kids wanting a mom and hearing them pray every night for a new mommy was also a part.  Saying I was sad or lonely deflected a complicated explanation which I would probably be unable to make to 7 & 8 year old kids.

In the course of this Becca apparently decided she was going to solve the problem and said she could help me find a new mom.  When I asked how her response was, "I can be friendly and ask if they are single.  Then I will ask if they want to marry you and they will say maybe, then they will say yes."  Such innocent optimism!  All of it made me laugh and helped distract me from the emotional rollercoaster I had been on just a few moments before.

As for dating...well it feels like I need to wait for now.  Why or what for, I am not completely sure.  What I am sure of is that Heavenly Father has something in store for me, possibly something I haven't seriously considered or considered at all.  So for now I wait...

Braden

Getting through hard times

It's been almost 5 years since I lost, Karen, my wife of 14 years to cancer after two years of chemo treatments.  This summer it would have been our 20th anniversary.  For a long time being without her each day hurt.  The pain tore at my heart and soul and threatened to consume me.  Many days I broke down and cried because it hurt so much.  Some days I even wished I wasn't around so I didn't have to feel the pain. You could say I tried to escape the pain by making my kiddos my world or distracting myself with books, exercise, music, work, or friends.  Over time I have learned to rely more on God and His Son to help me through.  It has taken effort and it's not an easy road but I keep trying because I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who will wipe away all of my tears and replace sorrow with joy.

Many people wonder how to turn to God or how to keep trying.  I can only speak for myself but I do that by praying to my Heavenly Father at least each morning and night, studying my scriptures to learn about God, taking time to help others (service), finding ways to be grateful (even if all I can be grateful for is a comfortable bed instead of the hard ground), accepting support and help from those around me (being loved and served), and moving forward while doing my best to trust God when I am confused about which direction to go.  Over time I have learned to quiet the negative voices in my own head and to ignore most of the ones outside of it.

In all of this I think of my kids frequently and admire how well they are coping.  There is something about them that is so open to being loved and loving others.  For a few years after my wife passed away I was constantly trying to date and find someone for them and someone for me.  My kids still occasionally ask for a new mom.  Last year in 2020 I went on about half a dozen first dates and I think only one second date.  It's exhausting and more often lately I'm content to be single and just live life with my kids.  Yet they will grow up, go on missions, go away to college, get married, and leave me alone.  Even then I think I will still miss Karen.  Perhaps sometime between now and when they move out I will find someone.  Life often takes unexpected turns and we don't always get what we expect or want.

Even though we don't always get what we want I do know something important.  It's something at first I only wanted to believe, then I believed it, and now I know it.  God loves me and He loves you.  He loves us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to suffer and die for us.  And Jesus Christ loves His Father and us so much that He willingly suffered and died so that we could overcome death, pain, and the sorrows of this world.  Not only that, he wants us to have joy.  God lives and loves each us and because of His Son all of us will live again, which means so will my wife!

Braden

A nice massage :)

Hungry kid ate 3 of those in one sitting!

Just watching some TV chillin'.

When daddy wants to take a nap, everyone wants to!

Fun in the snow!

Helping clean off the car.

On relationship and thinking patterns

I have been thinking about dating relationships and what goes into a successful one and by successful I mean progressing to marriage.  More specifically what I can do to help one to be successful.

Something called confirmation bias came to my attention recently.  When it was explained to me it seemed familiar and helped me make some connections in my head.  I'm going to simplify things a bit but whether you realize it or not you can use this concept to make your life easier.  A couple of years ago a children's book salesman was making a pitch to me.  He would talk about his product then ask, "So what do you like about xyz?"  At the time I smiled to myself because I recognized what he was doing.  He was getting me to help him make his sales pitch.  When you think about it, it's really a clever way to sell something.

How does this apply to dating and relationships?  Well, over the last several years I have repeatedly noticed and thought about a saying that goes something like, "You find what you're looking for."  If you look for the bad in things you'll find it, if you look for the good you'll find it.  At first glance that seems easy.  In practice though it can prove difficult.

As an example there have been many times when I have been 'venting' and as I am 'venting' I end up building pressure instead of releasing it.  For me complaining often means I am actually looking for the bad and I'm finding it, usually more of it than is really there.  If I instead speak about the good I find more of it to talk about.

If I talk to others (friends, family, etc.) about the bad stuff in a relationship then that is what I will see.  If I talk to them later about the relationship they helpfully remind me of what I talked to them about before.  If I am positive and talk about the good I see they will remind me of that.  My mind is like that too so how I talk to myself really matters.  Self talk or my point of view becomes my reality.  And guess what, I can use that to make my life happier, and when I'm happy life is easier!

In short the principle of confirmation bias can be used to help us manage our thoughts as well as our reality.  What we think about or dwell on is what we buy and our questions are our internal sales pitches. If I say to myself, "Why do I always mess up?" what I have really done is boxed myself in.  I will be trying to answer that question, the wrong question.  Whoever said there are no stupid questions may need to rethink there hypothesis but I am off track.  A couple of better questions would be "What did I learn from this?" or perhaps "What can I do differently the next time something like this happens?"  Maybe saying, "I didn't get that quite right so what happens if I do it like this?"  If you're feeling really brave you could start the the day by asking yourself, "How is it that I find ways to help others?" or "What strengths of mine can help me with the situation I am facing today?"

Braden