Several years ago someone told me it wouldn't be wise to start a romantic relationship around an anniversary date or a special time of year. At first it sounded like solid advice to me.
However, looking at things logically it would be almost impossible for me to find a time of year that wasn't special in one way or another to me and Karen after having been in each others' lives for 20+ years. Let me take you through each month of the year keeping in mind this is off of the top of my head without consulting a calendar or journal.
January - New Years and lots of memories there with fun in the snow or trips to visit friends and family as well as a stay in the ICU at Huntsman after a surgery.
February - Well, duh Valentine's Day... plus there is the whole birthday for Becca and the cancer diagnosis along with the start of our last family vacation. I almost forgot a stay in the ICU.
March - Karen was released from the hospital after almost passing away plus James was born. It was also the time of most of our last family vacation.
April - Our last date, our last walk together and so many other lasts including her last breath not to mention her funeral.
May - Engagement anniversary, Mother's Day, her birthday, and Memorial Day.
June - My birthday, Father's Day and the start of summer.
July - 4th and 24th of July holidays and so many fun times in the summer with parades, vacations, and family reunions. There was also the last time we moved, her colectomy, and her radio embolization.
August - Wedding date and anniversary trips along with our move away from Cache Valley.
October - Halloween with all the decorations, pumpkin carving, parties, etc.
November - Clean up from Halloween then Thanksgiving and all those memories along with a memorable hospital stay due to dehydration.
December - Christmas and the start of winter as well as all the trips we took together. Not to mention the first time we held hands!
So that leaves September to meet, court, get engaged, plan a wedding and get married. I guess that means better luck to me next year :D
Oh wait!! September has Labor Day, and our epic first family vacation with both James and Becca. The one where we took a 10 day 2000 mile road trip when both kids were under 2 in between Karen undergoing chemo treatments. I guess I am just plain out of luck then!
In all seriousness, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of Karen. The vast majority of those days it is a somewhat muted longing for her voice, her words, her wisdom, her counsel, her laugh, her humor, or her touch. Occasionally those thoughts and feelings are quite poignant or sharp, threatening to drag me into the dark abyss of grief and pain. Thankfully those dark times are few and far between now.
The point of the advice given I think is more to look at where the focus of my life is. After all I don't want to be getting involved with someone when my thoughts are really focused on someone else. Is that focus in the past or perhaps the no longer attainable dreams with a departed spouse? Or is that focus in the present with the memories being created and unfolding before my eyes moment to moment?
Just a few things I have thought about over the last few years.
I have plans for tomorrow and tomorrow is today!
Braden
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