Endings and beginngs

Christmas has come and gone with a new year just around the corner.  Over the course of the past couple of months we have celebrated holidays and spent time together as a family.  We have had a couple of snowy days, some days with just us, a couple of travel days, and some relaxing days.

Most of the time it's a lot of fun to watch and listen to the kids play.  Sometimes, especially when they can't get outside, they have too much energy for me.  It seems like they are literally bouncing off of the walls.  A couple of times I have actually asked them to run up and down the stairs 10 times to burn off some of that energy!

All together.

They were excited to help

Trying on daddy's suit coat.

Family still continues to help with the kids.  I am very grateful for their help and the blessing they are to us.  Around the holidays there are times when the loneliness and sense of loss just hits me in the gut.  For some reason this year was harder in some ways than the past 2 years.  I think part of it is some frustration combined with not getting enough sleep and exercise.  That means there is something I can do about it.  Another thing I would like to do is just spend more time having fun with the kids.  Today I sat and held James while we watched a football game on TV.  It was one of those perfect moments that help get me through the hard days.

   

Headstands on the couch - no hands, dad!

   

She built the tower all by herself

James in his new suit!

Funny faces for the camera!

Christmas was good with lots of family and time with the kids.  Without Karen around sometimes it still feels lonely.  That loneliness sometimes makes it feel as though I don't belong.  It's ironic but when I feel that I don't want to socialize much which can actually make it more difficult for me to get rid of the loneliness.  Another term for it could be a feedback loop.  When I'm lonely I don't want to get out so I end up feeling more alone.  On the other side of that if I get out and have some fun or socialize then I don't feel lonely and am more likely to feel like being involved.  Hopefully that makes sense!

Becca's gifts with her old helmet to remind her to wear it.

James's gifts (the helmet was already his and was a reminder for him to wear his helmet when riding the new skateboard.

Daddy's gifts on Christmas.

So one of the cool experiences over Christmas was a gift the kids received from an aunt, one of Karen's sisters.  Before Karen passed she had acquired a pattern for a homemade kids tee-pee.  When going through her sewing stuff a while back Karen's mom found the pattern and liberated it for Karen's sister to use.  The result is one of those cool little things that happen.  It makes me wonder how many more times Karen can help with a gift for the kids!

The tee-pee

I tried something new this year with the kids and had them pick out a present for each other.  Both wanted Legos when I talked to them.  So I helped each in turn pick out some Legos for their sibling.  The way I look at it this is a way for them to learn how to give and not just receive at Christmas or other times.

They bought each other a set of Legos for Christmas.

Becca loves grandma!

I originally started to write a post a couple of weeks ago but never finished it.  When I came back to continue it almost everything was out of date and it needed to be started over.  While looking over the post and thinking about what to write the realization hit that there is a parallel to life, a lesson for me to learn.  If something is started and then not followed through on it can become obsolete or rotten in a way.  Friendships, family relationships, and other interpersonal relationships can be the same way.  When neglected or not nourished they can become stale or stagnant.  The things that matter most in life need consistent and devoted attention.  Now I know something I will be working on this next year!

Happy New Year everyone!
Braden

Holidays and traditions

With the holiday season approaching I am looking at the changes of the past few years.  It has gone from two people from different families trying to meld, create, or maintain traditions to me trying to figure out what I'm doing!  This much I do know, Christmas starts a lot sooner when you're doing the shopping for little kids, there are way too many things my kids (especially James) want, and online shopping can make things sooo much easier if you already know what you want.

Rockin the hearts!

Having some fun at the local Pumpkin Walk.

More fun!

Just chillin' together!

Halloween was fun with the kids dressing up and 'begging' for candy from seemingly random people.  It's interesting how strange a custom or tradition can sound when it is restated or related to others who don't have the same or similar reference points.  Rather than carve pumpkins we opted for glow in the dark stickers though the glowing part was severely lacking...

One side of the not so glow in the dark pumpkins.

The other side of their pumpkins (avoided a lot of mess with the stickers)

The practice run for trick or treating.

At the beginning of October I had the thought to get together with other single parents occasionally on Monday nights.  When I contacted someone I know with kids it turns out they had been doing something similar in the recent past so they just started it back up and added me into the mix.  It's nice to get together with other people and their kids.  Children just bring an extra energy to a gathering.  That energy isn't always welcome such as when you're sick or not feeling well, but when you're down and need a hug or a good belly laugh kids are there for you.

Winter can't get here soon enough for them!

Monkey see, monkey do!

They love to have fun together.

The daddy jungle gym. 

But daddy, it can't be time for bed, I'm not tired at all!

 

A spur of the moment trip to the cemetery.

James came up with the idea for this homemade lightsaber and put it together solo!

Crashing in dad's room (on the floor!) for the weekly sleepover.

Some more creative costuming and accessorizing by James!

Right now I'm just living life and doing my best to enjoy the fun moments with my kids.  Sometimes it gets a little lonely not having a spouse to talk to or bounce ideas off of but I am figuring out other ways to fill that part of my life whether it is talking to or spending time with family, co-workers, or friends going through something similar.  We're all in this together so we might as well be there for each other.  Please feel free to comment or contact me.

Braden

Falling into school...

So James has been in school for a while now and is beginning to sound out words to read.  Everywhere we go he reads and sounds things out on signs, in stores, or on toys.  He is much better at math than I had realized, something I am fairly sure he gets from his mom.  It amazes me how much he is being taught in kindergarten right now.  In some ways I'm a little sad because I think he is missing a bit of his childhood by learning so much and having homework every night, though it could just be me thinking that.

With the weather turning cooler the kids are spending more time in doors.  They have some very creative ways of spending time and some of them are louder than others...

Playing dress-up at grandma's house!

Combing her hair out after bath.

Not sure what this game is but they were occupied for a long time!

Everybody takes a turn!

All he needs is a box sometimes.

 

A shovel and tow basketballs. Anything can be turned into a game with these two!

One of those times when it was very quiet.  I was told he needed help.  His sister helped him into it and was kind enough to get help when she couldn't get him out!

Some father and son time!

 

Another quite game of hand the laundry basket from the door.

Believe it or not they were both laughing here.

Look dad, no hands.  He left a few dirty marks on the wall.

In my last post I talked a bit about endings and beginnings and how in life there don't seem to be clearly defined endings or beginnings to many things.  So much of this life is a process of growing into the choices we make or rather the results of the choices we make.  It's those small daily choices we make that determine where we end up.  The small choices shape us for the big choices we make.  Much like a hinge only moving a few inches can be magnified into many feet of movement over the distance of a large gate the seemingly small choice to be happy by seeing the good can move our lives much more than we realize.  If you're struggling with something right now just keep on making the small choices that you know are right or good and be patient. In the end it will all work out!

Braden

Endings and Beginnings

Yet again it has been a while since I last posted here and once again a lot has happened.  The kids have had their first teeth cleanings at the dentist.  While it was Becca's second visit to the dentist it was a first for James.  The highlight of his appointment was when he told the dentist the polish tasted horrible.  Is it polite to laugh at the dentist?  They both did well though James really enjoyed watching cartoons.  When he was done James even asked to stay in the chair with the headphones on to keep watching TV.

They both love the smile for the camera.

Let James watch TV and he doesn't care about much else.

Becca was a little more attentive and listened to the dentist.

James started school and is doing very well.  I found out his teacher knew both Karen and I.  It was one of those little things that confirms to me that someone up there is keeping an eye on us all and helping things along.

James' first day of school.  It took a bit for him to stop making faces.

The kids love going to the park even though we have a swing set in the back yard.  They have started being more adventurous when playing on it though.  James has hit his head on the poles a few times and even fallen a time or two.  I sometimes think childhood is measured by bumps, bruises, cuts, and other injuries more than by days, months, and years.

The little daredevils on the swing set.

The annual fathers and sons camp out was fairly recent.  This year I only took James instead of both James and Becca.  James had a ton of fun trying to be a little pyro.  For the sake of safety I told him if part of a stick went in the fire then all of it had to go in.  He even started telling the other boys the same thing but not many 7-10 year old boys will listen to a 5 year old, especially if it means less fun!

The fathers and sons camp out.

Now that summer is over and fall is about to start I have been thinking about endings and beginnings.  It seems as though whenever there is an ending there is also a beginning.  Life is like that in a lot of ways.  Usually there is a transition and not a clear defined ending.  In my life I want the clear cut ending and the defined beginning but really life is about gradual change.  The end of bottle feeding and the start of real food is done in increments and overlaps for a long time.  The end of childhood and the start of adulthood can't come soon enough for a teenager but what teenager really wants, or is ready for, all of the responsibilities of life; rent, job, bills, choosing between food and bills, insurance, a spouse, and a family of their own.

We grow into life gradually filling the space around us much like a plant.  In much the same way I am growing into the role and life of a single parent struggling to make sure everything gets done and that my kids have the best opportunity for long term happiness and fulfillment.  Some things, the worthwhile things, take a long time to work out so I am learning to accept my own shortcomings while continuing to work towards my long term goals, one of which is finding a wife and companion to share the rest of my life with.

Braden

Summer continued...

It has been a busy summer so far.  Several small trips and family gatherings with the kids.  July 4th with food, fireworks, family, and friends was fun.  The night before we watched the fireworks and then went to a pancake breakfast the next morning.  The night of the 4th we were with some extended family setting off fireworks.

Watching fireworks together and making faces for the camera.

Not sure how he expects to ride a bike like this!

We did our first trip to Hogle Zoo as a family.  It was a long day and the kids had a blast with cousins and one set of grandparents.  To make that day even busier we went to dinner and then to the pool in the evening.  It was a very long but fun day!

Off to the zoo!

What are you looking at dad?

I said what are you looking at?

Lots of cousins!

Hi dad!

What do I do?

The bird show was great!

They all have personality!

My parents had a reunion and as usual we spend a day at the lake and then did our giant slip-n-slide.  It was a very long week but good to relax a bit and be around family.
 

Fun on the water slide!

More fun... 

Even more fun... 

Make my day!

Becca is the life of the party!

James hanging out with his best bud.

Girls cousins are nice too!

 

James really likes to climb now.

The next week life got interesting when Becca ran into the back of James on her bike.  This was a couple of days after James wrecked on his bike and tried to take a chunk out of his chin.  Becca did a face plant in the road and knocked out two teeth.  I had thought it was just one tooth but a few days later after the swelling had gone down I realized there were actually two teeth missing.  Fortunately kids heal quickly and she is doing great now.  For about a day and a half she didn't talk or eat much.  I had to give her water with a syringe, the same way I would give her ibuprofen.

The walking wounded.

The 24th of July (Pioneer Day) was spent at the local parade, then a lunch with some other single parent friends.  In the evening we went to the park for a fun and games, a movie, and fireworks.  The kids got to shoot at cones with a fire-hose and play some other games.  We didn't get to bed until 11:00 PM but it was worth it, we all had a lot of fun.

Where's the candy guys?

Popcorn, cotton candy, movie, and fireworks!

Jame flew over this but Becca was a little more cautious after her recent bike wreck.

More recently was the family reunion on Karen's side.  We drove down and spent time catching up with them.  Again the kids stayed up very late (midnight) but luckily we were driving a bit the next day in the afternoon so they got naps!

They slept for about an hour on the way to the family reunion.

Traveling home, we made a three hour drive without needing to stop once!

James is definitely a boy!

I am still working on new traditions and continuing old traditions with my kids.  There are times when I feel like it's everything I can do to get through the day in front of me.  Maybe that's a good thing since when I think about the future too much, or the past, I get a little overwhelmed.  Living life in the moment is a good thing right now.


Braden