I have been meaning to put an update since just after Thanksgiving. James and Becca are doing well with an ability to be happy regardless of the circumstances that I envy and am trying to emulate.
To catch up I'll have to go back to the first of November. The days after Halloween the kids would ask for their candy which would be rationed out. Each had their own bag and both knew where it was located so they could point and ask anyone for a piece. It was always fun to hear them asking for just one more piece. Gratefully, there wasn't much candy and it ran out in a couple of weeks.
Thanksgiving was fun spending time with family and catching up. Karen's parents headed out of town for the holiday so it wasn't hard to balance time between families. Thanksgiving morning James and Becca took all the cushions off of a couch. I caught them in the act and told them to put the cushions back on the couch so that is exactly what they did! The next day I really missed Karen and her presence. It just doesn't seem quite right to be having fun without hearing her voice and laughter.
They did exactly what I told them to do.
'Reading'
Playing together?
Ready to go out.
Shopping helpers!
December had a few family birthdays to be celebrated. The week before Christmas my family does a live nativity with music and scriptures while kids represent the parts of Mary, Joseph, shepherds, and wise-men. This year Becca and James were Mary and Joseph. I tired my hand at playing the piano for a couple of Christmas songs. I have a lot of room for improvement for next year.
Becca and James and Mary and Joseph.
Apparently James thought the other pose wasn't manly enough.
As Christmas approached I once again noticed Karen's absence. Probably because December 23 was the 8 month mark of her passing. With help from family, friends and co-workers I managed to recover from the few depressive dips.
Christmas Eve brought a big dinner with Karen's family. It was nice to be with them and feel a little of Karen's lively spirit. While it wasn't the same it felt right to be there. Later that night I assumed the job Karen normally carried out on Christmas Eve of putting out the stockings and arranging gifts. It made me grateful for her at the same time that I so badly missed her! This year was a right of passage in some ways. All of the gift selection and shopping was done by me. Not an easy task or one I am suited for but I struggled through it just like everything else that has been thrown my way. I may not do the job the best way possible but it gets done.
James's new bike.
Becca's new bike.
Christmas morning the kids had fun opening gifts after which we had a large breakfast with Karen's family. The morning also brought a large snow storm which meant I had to work for my breakfast clearing snow before I could even park my car in the driveway. My father-in-law, Glade, was busy clearing the sidewalks and driveways of a few neighbors. He is a great example of someone who is always ready and willing to help others. The fact that they include me and my kids is great. I have heard from others that have gone through the loss of a spouse and in-laws are not always welcoming or including. There are so many ways in which we have been blessed in this journey.
Two very different gift opening styles
Rebecca throwing away the wrapping paper
Rebecca and her new baby stroller
James opening his gifts.
Christmas morning breakfast
Christmas day had shortened church meetings which meant there was plenty of time for dinner at my parents' house with my family after which was round two of gift opening. The kids really enjoyed unwrapping everything though Becca has to be the tidiest kid I have ever seen opening presents. After each piece of wrapping paper was torn off she would put it in the trash bag grandma was holding. James, being the typical 3 year old boy, enthusiastically ripped the paper off.
Six olives and only five fingers!
Anything Becca can do I can do.
Gift opening round two.
Cousins playing together
The day after Christmas I helped my dad setup some of his gifts and helped him shovel snow. Becca started coming down with a flu bug (acquired from cousins) which spread to me and James. James bounced right back but Becca's illness hung in there a little longer. It meant we were all sick over the New Years weekend so we stayed in and watched one movie, Zootopia, and then went to bed at the normal time. The next week or so we spent recovering our energy levels which happened much more quickly for the kids than me. Children are resilient and bounce back so fast. I am envious of that ability. Helping to shovel the day after New Years made me grateful for the relative health I have enjoyed this past year. My knee still isn't back to normal but it doesn't hold me back much except when I want to run or move quickly.
Hamming it up for the camera.
Not feeling better yet
So now we are in a new year, 2017, and hoping to keep moving forward. A piece of Karen will always be with us for which I am grateful. James and Becca remind me every so often that their mommy died. After that James usually lets me know that he needs a new mommy. It's something I am still working on but other things have been in more immediate need of attention. What the new year will bring I don't know but I hope to keep progressing on this journey with my children, friends, and family, trusting that things get better as we focus on the good in life.
Braden
