Gratitudes - written from the heart

Earlier this week I had the thought to do some writing here and to 'write what came into my heart'.  My previous post was more of a journal entry without much of what is on my mind or in my heart right now.  What follows is some of that.  Since the end of August I have been writing down in my journal three things I am grateful for each day.  The first day this is what I wrote:

• Grateful for tickle fights with my kids and their laughter.
• Grateful for the ability to exercise.
• Grateful for a safe place to sleep and be comfortable.

Today I wrote:

• Grateful to be busy with callings and for the opportunities they provide to be around people.
• Grateful to hear my kids laughing as we wrestled today.
• Grateful to see my kids playing in the snow and enjoying the first snowfall of the season this morning.

As you can imagine, or may know from experience, some days that task has been easier than others.  Today it was a little easier and after I was finished a few big things came to mind.  Those big things reminded me of how far I have come and actually how little this pandemic has really affected those things.  In many ways recent events have reinforced them.

Each of the items on my list can be summarized under one 'gratitude' - I am grateful for the ability to learn, change, and grow with the help of God and others.  Yesterday while biking I saw a heavy set guy jogging.  Seeing him I wanted to yell out and say something like, "Great job!  Keep it up!  You are me 10 years ago and 4 years ago I wasn't even biking.  You got this!"  Looking at who I was a little over 10 years ago, what I valued, and more importantly where I was headed are some scary and sobering thoughts.

The job I had was killing me because I wasn't setting healthy boundaries to handle the stress well and I was lacking some key coping skills.  Church and faith were not high on my priority list.  I ate whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it.  I rarely exercised and had convinced myself I was still in okay shape.  That despite spending hours in front of the computer at work and once home often spending hours gaming at night.  I was isolated from good relationships, even my relationship with my wife.  A part of me knew something had to be done, changes needed to be made, and I needed to act.

Moving to a new city, starting a new job, coming back to church, beginning to exercise, and changing my life was not easy.  Some habits I hung onto for quite a while, like eating and gaming to name two.  I faced challenges with physical activity; sprained ankles, plantar fasciitis, and even my temper when playing basketball.  Looking back I am so grateful for Karen, family, coworkers, neighbors, ward members, and customers at work during that time.  Since Karen passed I have had tendinitis, a partial knee replacement, shoulder trouble, and carpal tunnel syndrome.  Those experiences and many other since have taught me how to handle the stress in my life, how to develop and nurture good relationships, how to have faith and trust God through hard times, how to remember, how to forget, how to apologize, how to forgive, how to keep trying when it feels like hope is gone, how to survive, then how to live, and now how to thrive.

Like everyone else I am an imperfect person trying to do the best I can which means I have to be reminded of those past lessons from time to time.  Sometimes the refresher course is painful or embarrassing yet in the end I am grateful for them.  Not always in the moment but usually afterwards when I have the perspective of a little hindsight.

For those wondering how I handle stress now I will list a few things that help.  Sometimes it's as simple as a distraction but for larger problems finding a way to change my perspective is important.  Much of the time it's about identifying an unmet or unfulfilled need so this acronym is helpful - BLAST (bored, lonely, anxious, stressed, tired).  Finding a constructive way to meet or fulfill that need is what I try to do.  Please keep in mind I am not perfect in using these, or at anything really, but I do keep trying and I think that's the key, even when motivation is gone keep trying!

• Playing piano (I started lessons a little over 4 years ago)
• Biking or other forms of exercise - I have to really push my body to the limits sometimes but having the time to think helps
• Having fun with my kids
• Listening to or reading conference talks
• Listening to audio books
• Singing - I'm not very good so it's only in the car or the shower
• Talking to someone - it doesn't even have to be anything I am worried about
• Getting out and having fun
• Writing
• Helping someone else - selfless service gets my mind off of me and my own problems
• Reading a book
• Reading scriptures
• Meditation
• Deep breathing
• Acceptance
• Fear setting (stoicism and it's probably not what you think)
• Going for a drive
• Hanging out with a friend
• Cataloging - identifying 3 objects and their function
• GRATITUDE - this one is HUGE for me!
• Less sugar - more fruits and vegetables
• Less social media
• More sleep

I hope this helps someone because just writing it has helped me to remember once again how far I have come.  There is still a very long way to go but it's not so overwhelming when I remember the past and all of those successes.

Braden

P.S.

This is something James wrote.

I think he still misses his mommy!!