I am what I am!

Hey, it's me again.

I've been thinking about body image lately. With having two kids in two years and then starting chemo immediately afterwards I have changed a lot. I used to have hair that was thick and easy to do, no longer. I could fit into jeans comfortably, now I can't. My shirts pull in weird places. I will never have flat abs again from the bloating that comes with colon cancer. I don't want to wear nice clothes during chemo weeks for fear of ruining them. I look in the mirror and see me but yet it's not the me I'm accustomed to.

I never imagined this would be one of the things I would have to deal with when I started chemo. However I came across a blog that was talking about self image. https://cannebodyhearme.wordpress.com/2015/04/13/the-after-myth/
And it reminded me of a Dr Seuss poem:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Shout loud, ‘I am lucky to be what I am!
Thank goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be!
If I say so myself,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!’
—Dr. Seuss, from “Happy Birthday to You!”

Once upon a time I had this poem memorized. I guess I need to do it again.

Kid Update

Just an update on what the kids have been up to the last two months.

James is talking. Every day he adds to his vocabulary. He doesn't have all the sounds down yet so some of his words sound the same, but he is sure to correct me if I guess wrong.

Becca is crawling. Hands and knees crawling. She also can go up and down stairs. She is still working on turning around a the top.

Life goes by so fast. We are trying to enjoy each moment. Hopefully I get many more years to watch these small precious moments.

Mask Overload

So I haven't kept up with my goal very well the last two months. So it's time to get you caught up on all the masks. Enjoy.

1 Year Comparison

Since it is almost James's birthday, I decided it was time to post Becca's one year comparison picture.

Here she is at 1 month, 1 year and 6 months.

 

1 month

6 months

1 year

Karen

Valentine's Day

We got to spend another Valentine's Day in the hospital. With the colonoscopy and chemo several days afterward I got severely dehydrated and ended up going to the ER early Thursday morning. The nurses there didn't feel that they could provide the care I needed and sent me to Mountain View later that day. It was my first ever ambulance ride. I slept most of the way so I can't tell you much besides it was bumpy.

I was checked into the ICU but at a slightly less critical level. They ran a bunch of tests because I had a fever, but could find no infections. A very good thing. The next day I was moved to a regular room where I was on reverse isolation which meant that every one who came into my room had to wear a mask, but I could go mask free. The doctor was afraid I had sepsis and had me on a heavy duty antibiotic. After a myriad of tests they couldn't find any infection and stopped the antibiotics.

On Valentine's Day the doctor almost let me go home, but decided that I would do better with a transfusion. So I got to play vampire and received two units of blood. The transfusions stopped just in time for Braden, my sister, and brother in law to arrive with dinner. Take out from a local Indian restaurant. Delicious. We also got to watch Maleficent and it turned out to be a better movie than I thought it would be.

My mother in law said that we had a nice weekend get away. No kids, all of my meals catered, free movies... If so, it is one I don't want to repeat often. I really hope hospital stays don't become the new Valentine's day tradition.

One Year

I had been putting off a post about one year since Karen was diagnosed with cancer.  Originally I was going to post about how much things had changed for us in the last year.  Experiences over the last two days have made me reevaluate that approach.

One year ago on February 10th 2014 I drove Karen to what wr thought was going to be a relatively short visit.  An hour drive up, an hour or so with the doctor and an hour drive home.  That three hours turned into a three week hospital stay for Karen.  Becca was born a short time later and ended up in the hospital a bit longer than Karen.  We made it through that and I sure Karen will make it through the latesy problem.

Wednesday night Karen was not holding anything down.  After a while dry heaving was bringing up blood.  A quick call to the doctor's office at 3AM and we were in our way to the ER.  Gratefully, Karen's parents were staying with us after Karen's last chemo treatment on Tuesday.  They were able to stay with the kids while I drove Karen.

After a few tests the staff in the ER decided there was some real cause for concern about a possible sepsis infection.  Wanting to make sure she was near the best available care Karen was transferred to a hospital with an ICU.  Karen is doing well and we are waiting on the results of her continurd blood tests to know how to proceed.  Sepsis hasn't been entirely ruled out but they are leaning more towards severe dehydration.  At this point we will just wait and see, then do our best to deal with anything that comes our way.

Karen is sleeping now and in my opinion has improved significantly over the last 36 hours.  She is pushing a little for more food.  I think she is a little worried about the variety and is having flashbacks to the puréed and liquid diets she was put on last year.

Still keeping it positive.

Braden

Masks #2

My masks for he last two weeks:

Blood draw, 2 February

Grocery Shopping, 4 February

Coloscopy, 5 February

Blood draw, 9 February

I did not grab a mask for Chemo on 10 February so I grabbed a plain one out of the car. I have been told that I need to keep a stash of decorated masks in my car for such occasions. I think that is a excellent idea and need to implement it asap.